-patients-

after a night or tears, my heart was scattered,

no feel, no pain, just sorrow.

a glimpse at grannie's old photos,

made me realised how weak i was.

she reminded me of my childhood,

with rely, with immaturity, and naive.

right now i am very confused,

ive lost my determination, courage and aim.

what is my satisfaction?

howcome grannie cudnt teach me more about life?

am i really the one helping?

failure, misplaced, disregarded.

my intention was to put you first;

but i seem to be lying to myself.

if grannie was still here, she would've lectured me.

the time ive wasted cud not be caculated;

but the time ive earned is surely nill.

grannie grannie.. please tell me somthing in my dream.

she is very important to me,

i cannot resist thinking about her.

is this reality? am i being fooled?

change my life? or maintain my goal?

set myself a 'stop' or let my feelings do the job.

i wanted to be as supportive as grannie..

i envy her. my role model. the way you shaped me,

has made me who i am today. i cant help it!

i really cant..

you did understand me.. but u wouldnt know me;

i would betray my belief just for you to be happy.

when grannie red me a bed time story,

i never thought that it was fantasy.

from the first day you were connected,

i waited for your awareness.

from the day you seperated,

i waited for your happiness.

once the moment of truth arrived,

was the time i begin to derive.

fear and afriad has got into me..

cudnt sleep, cudnt express, but to hope..

grannie grannie, i failed to cope..

 i wonder.. how long i can stand without you... one year? one month? one week? one day? one hour? one minute? one second.. never.... is correct answer.. i know i am lying to myself... i cant change myself. this is me.. all i can do now is let time exceed my difficuilties.. i will try my best to stay away..

ps- yeh.. my grandma is one of my closest relative back then.

song of the day: SNSD - Star Star Star