i wonder.. how long i can stand without you... one year? one month? one week? one day? one hour? one minute? one second.. never.... is correct answer.. i know i am lying to myself... i cant change myself. this is me.. all i can do now is let time exceed my difficuilties.. i will try my best to stay away..after a night or tears, my heart was scattered,no feel, no pain, just sorrow.a glimpse at grannie's old photos,made me realised how weak i was.she reminded me of my childhood,with rely, with immaturity, and naive.right now i am very confused,ive lost my determination, courage and aim.what is my satisfaction?howcome grannie cudnt teach me more about life?am i really the one helping?failure, misplaced, disregarded.my intention was to put you first;but i seem to be lying to myself.if grannie was still here, she would've lectured me.the time ive wasted cud not be caculated;but the time ive earned is surely nill.grannie grannie.. please tell me somthing in my dream.she is very important to me,i cannot resist thinking about her.is this reality? am i being fooled?change my life? or maintain my goal?set myself a 'stop' or let my feelings do the job.i wanted to be as supportive as grannie..i envy her. my role model. the way you shaped me,has made me who i am today. i cant help it!i really cant..you did understand me.. but u wouldnt know me;i would betray my belief just for you to be happy.when grannie red me a bed time story,i never thought that it was fantasy.from the first day you were connected,i waited for your awareness.from the day you seperated,i waited for your happiness.once the moment of truth arrived,was the time i begin to derive.fear and afriad has got into me..cudnt sleep, cudnt express, but to hope..grannie grannie, i failed to cope..
ps- yeh.. my grandma is one of my closest relative back then.
song of the day: SNSD - Star Star Star