Saturday, March 13, 2010


after a night or tears, my heart was scattered,
no feel, no pain, just sorrow.
a glimpse at grannie's old photos,
made me realised how weak i was.
she reminded me of my childhood,
with rely, with immaturity, and naive.
right now i am very confused,
ive lost my determination, courage and aim.
what is my satisfaction?
howcome grannie cudnt teach me more about life?
am i really the one helping?
failure, misplaced, disregarded.
my intention was to put you first;
but i seem to be lying to myself.
if grannie was still here, she would've lectured me.
the time ive wasted cud not be caculated;
but the time ive earned is surely nill.
grannie grannie.. please tell me somthing in my dream.
she is very important to me,
i cannot resist thinking about her.
is this reality? am i being fooled?
change my life? or maintain my goal?
set myself a 'stop' or let my feelings do the job.
i wanted to be as supportive as grannie..
i envy her. my role model. the way you shaped me,
has made me who i am today. i cant help it!
i really cant..
you did understand me.. but u wouldnt know me;
i would betray my belief just for you to be happy.
when grannie red me a bed time story,
i never thought that it was fantasy.
from the first day you were connected,
i waited for your awareness.
from the day you seperated,
i waited for your happiness.
once the moment of truth arrived,
was the time i begin to derive.
fear and afriad has got into me..
cudnt sleep, cudnt express, but to hope..
grannie grannie, i failed to cope..
 i wonder.. how long i can stand without you... one year? one month? one week? one day? one hour? one minute? one second.. never.... is correct answer.. i know i am lying to myself... i cant change myself. this is me.. all i can do now is let time exceed my difficuilties.. i will try my best to stay away..

ps- yeh.. my grandma is one of my closest relative back then.

song of the day: SNSD - Star Star Star

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