-too tired to think, simplify it-

昨天，啊不是，上个礼拜，我真的有很多烦劳从各方面飞过来。很多事，多到我已经不知道为什么而不开心。那我就想。。为什么要领到自己不开心。绝望真的是我的好朋友。 哈哈。

alota ppl will say y'know its better off not thinking problems as bad, they're usually not. to me, of course im those dramatic ppl. and yes, i think too much but i dont rkn its a bad thing. 如果你不想深一点的话，他日如果这件事情真的发生在你身上你能不能够作出应变.这是我的想法，你因该不明的啦。 anyways, one thing is right tho which got me thinking. why am i really caring about it wen ur not :S why does it always have to be whos on the down side? dw im not that evil, i wont want u to be on the down side with me. why cant i just... fck all this shit? can i really be fcked thinking about all these dramatic stuff wen i actually  got more real shit to deal with. ANDＹＥＳUNIＦＣＵＫYOU!.

however, i rkn uni is also just afull of shit that has to get inur mind once in a while. im sure high school ppl would also get wat im talking. you only stress only for a period of time and this time should usually be 1day to a week before assignments due or an exam. well thats me :) however, for me this time, im like shitting bricks already 4 weeks before all my presentations are due.. i kinda had to slow down this process aye.. i mean everyones gota do it right.. im prob not the only one stressing over this stuff.

yesterday in the lecture, this dude next to me said "you see that guy?" *nods* "yeh hes an international student from thailand, hes not like me, i can srsly just fck this and give a damn about this whole uni thing, as long as i get 50% and over, im happy with it. but for him, if he doesnt get topshit mark, he will be like shipped back to thailand and have his future taken away."

IＫＮＯＷ，its not much of an inspiration but then again it kinda knocked somthing into me. some ppl are actually having worse scenario than wat im having now... i shouldnt really put so much pressure on myself..

ps. im not trying to teach any of you's a lesson, its just wat i rkn will happen to everyone if just one day u hear or heard about somthing similar to wat ur experiencing, and suddenly there will be like new pathways for u to walk towards.

tbh i really made myself into wat im getting now, haha. i was all ready for it and anticipated that it will happen for sure. just dont no why im scared of now. hah.. i chose to do it, and im not gonna regret. *clap clap* nelson has finally stood back up :), just hope he can get his stupid sleeping disorder away ==.. someone considered me to read books.. hmm twlight will be a good start :) NOT! FUCK U! :)

Song of the Day: YUI - Please Say With Me <-- i really like the guitaring for this song. soo relaxing.. speshall the dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun part xP

-Uni-

lol i know, the title doesnt really link, but it sorta will later xD

so ive decided bachelor of social work does not really suit me. for many reasons i rkn.. 

the first one is obviously that i wasnt desired to do it. most of you may know that i was intentionally wanting to do bachelor or behavioural science (psychology) in qut. (why qut? cause i didnt do english in high school so i wasnt eligible to do it at UQ or Griffith <-- no offense but it its lecture do sucked ==) back to the point, so i was deciding weather i should change to a dual degree (psy and social work, or psy and human services) or just go full on psy. my original idea was, y'know, i can get two certificate with twice less the actual time of completely two courses and of cause u will go by that. 

HOWEVER, today in one of my tutorial.. i finally realised that social work is not wat i really wanted. and for those who doesnt know wtf is the difference of psyc and SW; or dont even know wats social work, SW is pretty much giving 'love' to the community. The varety of jobs we get is majorly working for the government to provide help for the community. NOTE that u wont really get paid much.. all u do is help help help help.. which i really wanted to BUT fck.. i've never in my life wanted to touch things relating to the government and shit.. and one reason why i struggled thru SOSE in grade 6-10 is becoz i dont CARE about the FCKING POLITIC/ LAW/ DEMOCRATIC/ GOVERNMENT/ WAT EVER BS!!! FFS.. at first i fort social work is really targetted at helping the society but i didnt figured out 80% of it is related to the government ==' FML.. so anyways.. for the past few weeks im just learning shit about the gov and how it works.. i sorta get it but y'know u tend to not study as well if ur doing somthign u dislike doing yeh? stop here for a sec..

psy is also 'helping' but then its not as broad which only targets at a more personal perspective, deals with mental issues in more dept where as a social worker deals with EVERYONE but just breifly. and im more of a person that likes 1 on 1 in stead of 1 on .. 100? im uber nervouse wen tlking to a bulk loads of people and its NOT funny at all.. i have a freaken stupid oral coming up and im currently shitting my pants xD!!

anyways.. i just rkn i wud be more suitable just doing psychology itself which takes 3 years to complete.

Song of the Day: Lee Hyori - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

btw, hyori is fcking hot == but however, shes going 'lady gaga' style... just watch  the MV ull know wat i mean immediately..

-noon to sunset-

ask me if i had fun today? ill answer yes. definitly. it was my last day of uni before easter holiday. finally i could take a nap. it is not just relaxing, but such a relief. i dont think i have been this stressfree (even though ill be having exams straight after easter holiday) since preschool... everything seem to unravel itself. however, i was late into my lecture.. so are my friends so it wasnt too embarrasing. i was very hungry however, ate cerial in the morning.. thats bout it and my stomachs just rumbling the whole time and the person next to me can literally hear it.. *embarrased* i then skipped my tutorial.. being rebelous now.. ive actually never wagged in my previoud school life and somthing just got in my head and boom... im doing it now and it sure feels.. great haha..

i got to city at like 11.15. no one was there asual. lucky my friend who was at my lecture also wagged with me. we went up to cue city, it was not very packed, which is good. less pressure no need to show off. tbh, its hard not to :P i beat my friend 4-0 in pool. ha ha.... i feel like more atm.. nyways. she then had to go to bustop so i walked her there. i then went to kfc, gave hayden lo a call. he picked up and told me hes actually nearby aswell. such a coincident.. blah.. met up with him. lifted up to tops, funhouse. us two facing the DJ max techonica machine. i hopped on, plugged in my headphones, setup to look like a pro. hey but guess what, i pulled out a .. beginners ._. card and inserted to the machine and selected normal level. I OWNED (H).. fullstop again.

Hayden then had to leave home so in no time i just decided to go back to cue city to see if the weekly city bums are there. hey guess what again. no one was there still but venus appeared at table 14. she was being companied by her friend. i realised somthing cheaky going on tho but i wud like to keep it in for now :) so i just yeh.. awkwardly said hi to venus and sat down. i took out my fone to pretend to be tlking on it for like 10 second before i actually realised i have to give aaron a call.. but anyways hahaha... (dont u just get those siolent awkward moments wen u and ur friend's convo just dies? and the best way to solve it is to get ur phone out and pretend ur on it HAHAHA.. it works..) i sat there. didnt do shit all.. some other friends came, chat chat chat. bs bs  bs. la la la.. akdjf;alkdjf;k its 1.28 wen i last saw the time. venus then had to leave to go uni. she stormed out the area and began heading the exit. she looked at me.. immediately i just had the most randomist and gutfull idea popped in my head. i hand signaled her (can i come) <--- lol i wonder how'd u do it with h.signals..she nodded* it was shocking but yeh. i did it and i jumped up, said bye to others and raced behind her. on the way to her busstop i was just trying to not make things awkward.. make lame jokes as usual and try get her to smile haha.. it wasnt long after i tried doing so i saw the first sunrise of the day hahaha! she smiled! but anyways.. try not spend too much time on her 'smile' moving on.. so it was just me paying her out, stop tlking, tlk again whilst walking. the cycle continued throughout the journey to the busstop.

My original idea was just to bus on the same bus as her and get off at garden city since my cars parked there. i asked the bus driver "does this bus stop at garbo? near garbo?" answer was "no".. hey guess what AGAIN.. i stayed on .. i had shit nothing running thru my mind at that point, all i wanted was to be with her.. i sat down next to her, met her friends (awkwardly as usual) and stayed quiet. i kinda tried tlking to her..  but it somehows always end up with me teasing her and she ignores me.. then again and again blhablhablah... she then borrowed my iphone.. yes she cud work one haha.. she was figiting around with it and finally played one song: Jessica Jarrell ft. Rob Allen - Watcha Doing.Great song ay haha.. just the right one to remind me of HER when shes right infront of me.. we stayed siolent once the song started playing. sat there  till we got to her uni. she  took headphones off and we hopped off the bus. i went into her lecture. 1 and ahalf hr of BS .. srsly.. BS!! i should get paid for wat i did today. i basically sat there, help her  take down notes while she mucks around with my iphone.. wat kinda gf retard does  that aye? like using me!! haha ... jks..it was a fun time tho... never even thought i wud spend time with venus like that today, speshally in a lecture room. haha.. weird.. i fort i made everything awkward too..

After the lecture, we were waiting for the bus. somthing very very funny/ memorable happend.. a lil butterfly flew against her arm and planted itself there.. i was like "0o" *points* she goes AHHHH get it off get it off! what is it with a '><' face.. i rofled and im like uhh... i shall flic...wait.. do u wanna see it first? *she looks over slowly* and *SCREAMS* >< >< >venus? you know how when u see someone infront of u right. you know that they act totally different at home but u sorta accepted who they are due to how the appeal to others? and at that time.. i kinda saw the real her haha... somthign that i cant explain by words.. oh one more thing.. her eyes are soo 0.0.. BIG!!.. very attractive.. yet includes a sense of evil in it when she glimpse at u hahah.. i like it :)

Well last part of the story, we're on the bus again, i chose the long way by busing with her. listening to music. seeing her 'trying to get to sleep'. i know she is thinking about heaps of things. i tried asking but i failed miserably. like even tho ive made her feel a lot more comfortable but she just dont seem to be open enuff to me .. just yet... maybe again.. im just not the right person to tlk to.. or shes scard.. of me? haha i dont know.. i just did my best try to make stuff less awkward and yeh.. flows.. it kinda did.. thanks to the music haha.. and damn.. those shitty old r&b i use to listen to does kick in some shitty memories haha.. however i liked it tooo.. i didnt only just rmred nightmard memories.. i've got a piece of memeory right beside me.. this feeling is just... i havent experienced in ages.. im kinda lil concerned tho.. is she really the one? or am i just thinking too much.. we got off at her busstop and she gave me a 'half' hug and went home; i walked the opposite direction.

lalala got home, piano then went to kareoke for ROSINA's 18th bday. i kinda forgot her present xD haha.. but anyways.. i lost my voice from singing too much.. ate shitloads of cake which was awesome. saw heaps of ppl and dicks :P but overall it was a good party :)!!! and once again.

HAPPY BDAY! ROSINA!!!!

on the way home.. i was driving down mains road  (and YES I TOOK IT WHILE DRIVING.. dont report me >_>) i just had a random fort about everything happend today. i started off with a retarded relaxing today, to a day full of exitment and miseries, to a day back to just be being alone again. i realised my days are actually like this everytime. its a cycle. ill always end up being by myself... the feelings i had is just really the surface of the skin, it doesnt really get into the inner layer part of it. becoz that part is set for me and me only.. i really wanna know wat im reallying looking for in my life.. love? uni? family? friends? anything... just tell me and answer.. just like the photo, ill never find out wats infront of me untill i really experience it.. right now.. all i can do is assumptions and hope for the best.. well.. yeh.. wish everyone a happy EASTER :)

Song of the day: Utada Hikaru - Merry X'm Mr. Lawrence

-changes-

as you all know i got my p's and its effink different already..

i realise i can do alot more stuff wen i can drive.. if its me, i will never actually wanna stay out at night in brisbane unlike hong kong, cosh wen u go out in hk, u can still find shops open at 2am in the morning. like just the fun is unlimited. 

however i was driving alex home yesterday, then:
-picked up michael
-picked up kevin
-drove to alex's house
-dropped off alex
-droped off kevin
-went to have a drink at sunnybank hills
-drove to micheals and have a lil chat with his mum
-drop michael off
-went home

that took me 1 hr and 30 min in total. somthing i wud never do in brisbane. 

like u get that feeling of u will start to do alot more of the same thing in the future. not sure if u all had had this feeling before but yeh.

btw.. IM FKING GOOD AT TOYOTA JUMPS 

anhuz.. yeh. 2 more weeks of skool left. have 2 more exams left and two more major event (formal, graduation) and in maximum of 2 years ill be in uni. and 2 more of years till i get my green P's taken off. maybe even 2 more months until i can face/see u and actually have the balls to tell u how i feel xD haha.

song of the day is still 2pm's tired of waiting. jaebum come back!!!

Nelson's Update
-ate green mango
-got told im getting a new phone
-listening to tired of waiting
-fixing 2 computers at once =] well not really.. one is being fixed other is just.. lying there xP