-defrost these feelings-

its quite clear that im not a very nice person aye. i dont even know why im doing such things for a friend. i really treasured the time we spent together, it was very fun, i enjoyed every moment. i cant stop thinking about wat ive done. im not sure if its correct but im absolutely sure i did something wrong. friendship is somthing that u cant give it a try to see if ur capable of having. its not like cigerettes where u can try once then quit it for the rest of ur life. friendship is somthing that when its broken once, its gone; even if there will be a chance of friends to regain the trust, but a scar is already left there. the promise does not exist anymore, atleast not as strong.
ive been betrayed and i have also betrayed someone. either way it doesnt feel good at all. being hurt feels like u cant do anything about what has happen and hurting someone feels like your just one hell of a dick.
i have to say to you however: the nights we had cud be a play, but i do treasure the happy times we had together. you may now think that im a total jerk, but to me, your always that little girl that made me happy thruout my night times wen i cudnt sleep while thinking about my past. thank you very much. you gave me a very good time. i will never forget you nor our past. yes im not a sweet person, but atleast im trying my best to express my true feelings and i promise you, these stuff I just said is all from me. not from anyone else. sorry is all i can say now. i owe you too much i cud not explain.. sorry girl..
song of day: And - Anemone

-mad-

Pinch and a Punch for the first of the Month, WHITE RABBITs :)

so ive been to macau! the kindom of casino.NO i didnt see 2pm and shit.. they left  before i stepped into their hotel TT. i swear my sistah was gonna get me tix for their MAMA concert.. but NO, sis didnt tell me that shes getting it until the live show actually airing ==' fck... but apart from that... its my first time being in a casino. it srsly aint that bad. everything look soo pro. the dealers are like WOAHHHH professional much? and i swear they dont smile ==. everythings soo serious... anyways.. had 5 meals yesterday and 4 meals today. i think i really am getting fat like a .. little fat bitch..

im back in guang zhou today. my days seems fcking long ass now.. waking up at 9ish 10 sleeping at 3,4 am... days seems a lot longer. i wanna go back to aussie lah. but again i havent done enuff shopping. so far i only spend 300 hk on this jacket, not becoz i like it, becoz its fcking damn cold ==' dont know why this time im back im actualyl spending a lot less.. i rmr last time i came back i spent like 1 grand on the first day...maybe ill start shopping tmr as im going closer to the city into shopping malls.. hehehe... *must rmr to conserve money* NOT =P

so... wat i have to say is that. im trying, i know i will achieve what i want.. i will not leave u hanging!!! meow~

-think, think, THINK-

okay, must avoid dramas! i must think right, this is like my only chance... what im about to do this will either make everything go right, or once again put an end to another chapter of my life. please.. i wanna know what to do.. someone help me... i dont wanna think about it. i know i cant do this on myself either! i dont wanna make the wrong decision and fck everything up. i cant sleep!!! i dont no how to start from either. how should i approach this whole situation.. how should i begin so i will have this all plan our in the future.. why does this kinda shit always come back at me but in a poorer form each time TT..

-'tired' of 'tried'

like who in the world thinks of this world as a fair world? im the first one who doesnt. at this moment, i should have a smile on my face no later then the coming week becoz ill be free from stress, love, conflict and memories. 

so much has happend this past week, one week that i actually remembered what happend every single day. all were pretty hard to go through. many status changes, many ups but mostly downs. people that i still have to thank, people who i still could not forget and people who i cudnt decide to consider friends or not. but this shall all end once and for all. too much for me to think lately, was even at a stage where i was digesting somthing but having extra shit stuffed down my system for me to collapse.


time please come by faster, i want to escape!! give me a break~ 


tired now, very tired of this situation. i spent a countless amount of time reflecting what has happend. i have solutions that will solve the problem but go against my will, and solutions that will also solve the problem but hurt myself more. 

*loading* yes i got it ^^

-words that cant be said-

ahhhhh this is killing me already. just only 2 days.. fcukkk, im being drowned by my own emotions, dont know what to think off. what can i do? what can i do? 

ur updates is very cute... this is all i can say... i cant stop looking at it.. TT