-answer please-

sometimes the things you are desired to do, does not always turn out the way you think of it to be like; things you are not familiar with and not expected can also be a outcome of ur something you desired to do. point is, nothing works out exactly the way you want it to be. there is always a 'chance' of things going wrong. when those stuff goes wrong - the imbalance of beliefs and values, emotional issues are usually the outcome which then leads on to other disorder. <-- i didnt quote anything it was just somthing i learnt in uni and somthing i generated thruout my retarded analysis; it cud be wrong, its an assumption.

i really dont know how to deal with these disorders when i am having it myself. issues which compiles stress and fear. is this part of life? or am i classified as mentally disadvantaged? howcome not many mates of mine experience similar problems as me? some of them can just live life wen it arrives infront of them, they dont seem to plan or think about it and how it will turn out if thing goes wrong, they simply cbf to worry :S i kinda wanna be like that. from my point of view, thats enjoying life. not saying that being careless is a good thing but atleast i know peopple who think that way are more relaxed than me, atleast they are not affected physically (they dont show it/ express it to others).

tbh, i shouldn't have any difficulties dealing with the issues im having now, they are all very small.. but again, wen these small issues pile up, they become big and its just hard not to think about it. i need to seek professional advice. which is tmr. and hopefully ill get wat i want and find out more relating to my future.. *sigh*

song of the day: Gundam Seed Destiny - Nami Tamaki - Reason

aaron, my first grade 8 bus buddy that i can rmr since high school.. i love you man! i like ur humor :) u can cheer someone up, with ur fucked-up-ness and yes, u are infact one of the best guy friend i met out there. (very touchy aye) well yeh.. dont think too much, stuff shall turn out right eventually.. hopefully mine will too, but yeh! this song reminded me of you cause this is like the song that 'brought us' together ;) haha... luv u man!

-迷惘-

If I answer yes:

-it will be best for her.

-just wan her to be happy.

-makes things a lot easier.

but

-does no benefit to me.

-im lying to myself.

-its gonna hurt more.

If i answer no:

-atleast im telling the truth.

-i think ill be judged differently.

-it also wudnt really benefit me.

other answers will just make it more suspicious...

up to you..

-what would you do if ur me-

Situation: Pluto as left the solar system leaving Venus alone.. they where ment to be very close to each other. Pluto treasured Venus up to 9months..00million years. The real reason for Pluto to leave is left as a mistery. Aparently Pluto had verbally offened Venus. It was very hard for venus. She was alone. Orbiting around the sun without her only one. She isnt very close with other planet. At the worst point of her life. Along comes Earth who coincidently was orbiting in line with Venus. Earth had his first glmipse of Venus 10months..00 million years ago and was very aware of Venus; hoping Venus would appear infront of Earth again, not for long, as short as 1milli-second is enough. Earth was luckily to stay in touch with Venus for a while. Even when their position around the Sun was different, they still manage to see every night.. 100 years. Earth felt right into Venus' gravitational pull and decided to one day give up the Sun for Venus and be her Moon- rotating around her as she faces light or dark, just be there for her until eternal.

As Earth had made his decision and decided to move out of his orbit and slowly approach Venus. He knew that once he do so, he would'nt be able to go back. Even going against the law of Science, Earth struggled very hard to try get close with Venus every millimeters of the distance. At this point, not long after Earth have chosen his pathway, Pluto came back insight. He was pulled back by Sun's gravitational pull and appears to be back on the same old journey. Venus stopped and looked. Its really him. After soo long Pluto has left Venus. Earth realises that his has no chance and clearly sees the one that Venus was waiting for is Pluto. Venus tried forcing herself to not think about the past and forget Pluto once and for all. With that being said, Earth who is currently the clone Pluto, has the choice to support Venus and stop her from thinking about Pluto; or having the intention of making Pluto happy and doing what is best for her. Several of days years have past. Earth finally decided for the sake of seeing Venus happy, she has to stop lying to herself about the fact that she misses Pluto alot. Earth approached Venus and told her that there is no point for her to force herself into somthign she doesnt want, afterall, she will get cornered and end up despretely needing to see Pluto no matter what happens. Venus could'nt prove Earth wrong and will consider what he has said. Right now, Earth pretty much has lost his reason to orbit. What could he do.. Fight his way back to orbiting around the Sun or continue monitoring Venus and just be there for her ... IF she needs it.

if your Earth.. what will you do?

Song of the day: Epik High - Run

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieWOb34bzZs

I highly recommend you guys to watch this music video too.. i like it.. i imagined myself being the guy.. i wish i could run away aswell.

-obsession-

I dont even know who am i anymore. Im soo lost. every night im just reading your name over and over again. seeing flashbacks of your smile time and time. wishing to see you again and again.. im too scard to talk to you.. the one, two word replies from you is seriously not a good feedback.. make me think that im not only boring but u cant even be bothered replying me. you're always online, and i have not dobt wanting to double click on ur icon and have a chat with you. somthing random, somthing happy, sad just wanna talk to you. however, i dont have anything to talk about anymore. this bitter feeling is getting stronger and stronger. in this visual technology i seem to know you very well, but in reality my acknowledgement towards you is less than 1%. i only can think of you as a whole physically but emotionally, i have no clue. the boundaries you had caused me not be able to have another glimpse of you nor ask 'how are you' verbally. that time when i was in your car, you maybe happy to see me but i know deep inside you all you ur feeling is 'uncomfortable' 'awkward'and 'afraid'. if i didnt say a word that time, i will predict that we are just gonna sit there and let the awkwardness arrive. when we use to talk everynight to like 3,4 am in the morning, i never thought life wud past soo fast when your happy. i really enjoyed those time. seeing you on cam is just enuff to revive my shitty days i have. however, after know the truth, i start to feel gapped away. and i know that im getting very boring.. i dont know wat to talk about anymore. i use to have soo much to tell you.. the moment just really feels like ur right next to me 'hearing' every single word i tell you. it died out. im cudbe just thinking too much. i cud be just fantasing all this and making a big deal out of this whole thing, but what else can i do? every night for a week now ive been have deep deep emo moments. even if i was very happy tlking to other friends, ill just die out. wat the fck is going on with myself..I do not love you that much ..im sure.. but you are just the reason why im feeling soo grey in my life.. or im just obsess in a way..