-her-

yesterady we meant to see, but she cant coz she wanna hang at toombul before going to tutor
i was fine with it
today i had work and she also had to study for exam
tmr i have uni 10-6
friday i have work
fri night she flying to sydney - wednesday
point is, we can still see after that
she was angry coz she was going to surprise me with somthing on friday.
i understand why she mad
but i really cant do much ..

i dont want her anger to get the most of it and just ask to break up..

-at worlds end-

so it all ends here. 8 months of trying,

 resulted in nothing but just some partial happiness.

 is it worth it?

-what would you pick？-

”if there is a restore button on your body that allows ur body and memories all turn back to zero, would you press it? what will you when you do?"

im pretty happy with laugh I suppose. not much is really concerning me. I love my life. But if I were to pick a time to do so, it will be when I'm actually 'depressed' becoz of things that I should'nt be..

i realised the routine is: if i open my mouth and talk. i undergoing a sin for you.
when i close my mouth: i will want to start talking and wonder if the next thing i say could fix it.

ITＮＥＶＥＲENDS!

-lost :S-

i really dont know where u are all the time..

everything is soo last minute. atleast u will know where i am at a particular time coz i tell you.. but u can all of a sudden tell me ur going to sydney? wow... thats a bit too much of a short notice dont u rkn?

u went party last night, howcome u told me ur not going but end up going? im not angry coz u went is that im angry coz u didnt tell me know...

you might say i did the same for memory, but atleast i told u about it before and not surprise u. u might think its a surprise becoz i told u before the event. but atleast u had an idea i might go. (not saying i was right) instead, u tell me after the event..

i reckon your not very honest to me still.. im not angry, its just that i dont even know where u are even at this moment.

you tell me your grounded (AS ALWAYS) but u always cud find ways to go out.. HOW THE HECK DO U DO THAT?? wen we're off the phone it was already 1.30am. ur mum stayed home, therse no way u cud have snuck out and come back home in time. There must be somthing ur hiding from me still.. i just want to know... why cant you do that for me aswell and come out with me then? dont tell me its coz of your friends coz if its your parents, even if its ur friends u wont be able to go out that late. this just makes me really feel that u try so hard to go out with ur friends, but u cant even come out for dinner with me...

just be honest with me please... u worry me, thats why im bring this up, not that im angry...

-quiet day-

so leaving hong kong should be a really happy time for me because i could finally have some good times out of this boring place aka BrisVegas pfft == but obviously, if the other half staying over there is going to be fine and not worry me, then this would've been a better departure.

really dont know what to say when things i say, she doesnt believe.
     "I miss you" "I miss you too" "No you dont" "I do!" "No you dont"
 then what do you want me to say? i cant squeeze thru the phone and go give u a big hug right? when I say it, i mean it.. you just dont get the point up until now.

not mentioning names but i know he has been saying shit and encouraging you to leave me as I am "ruining" your life. first of all, how am i ruining your life? if you say trying my best to not piss you off and satisfy you is "ruining" then what do you want?? I dont complaint. I let you be even and fair with me. I have faith and trust in you.

But no, you dont seem to quite get enough of it.

Yet still talking about break ups, separating to what? it doesnt benefit neither of us. but OH WAIT.. it does benefit that person who encourage you to leave me, because you will be at your lowest point of your life and he'll plan to get you.

But fine, I wont confront, ill just let it out here once again so that I can face you properly again so you won't think that I dont love you enough yet AGAIN.

look, im trying my best here to fix these unnecessary problems we're having now. All I want from you is just to trust me and believe in me just like how I am towards you. You tell me your going to party tonight, I'm really not angry at all, but just worried that you might get too drunk and get harmed when your not concious. IF it was you, you would have already hung up on me again and just ignore me for the rest of the night..

I really hope to have a turning point in our relationship. Just making some adjustments for eg, believing in me more than just listening to your so called 'FRIENDS', try think about your boy friend for once yeh?

I'm dying to come back to see you. IF you dont believe it still, fine. your just cold blooded. but if you do, LOve you more.

-ur status-

Like -
1. Do I regret meeting you? no i dont
2. Are you important to me? very
3. Have you ever made me smile? many times
4. Have you ever made me mad? since we started (the other way around i meant)
...5. Best feature? your height
6. Do I like your profile picture? its not bad
7. Do I see you in my future? hopefully, if things go right
8. Do I love you? you say you do, but hopefully u do mean it
9. Have I ever had a crush on you? yeh
10. You're my? boy friend
11. Favourite Memory? nothing. all of it counts as my fav

-oh god, this feeling again :S-

ever had those times when you have to decide on something, where both solutions will end pretty bad and now what you really wanted? right now, if i continue this, i really don't know will it work out in the future. there are so many restrictions atm. i can do absolutely nothing to help the situation. i tell others it doesnt bother me even if we dont see/ talk/ interact with each other. but obviously its a lie. who in the world wants a relationship like this? one that feels like your not even in one. ones from the sky, ones from the ground; two different dimension basically not allowing us to co-exist in the same platform. 

of cause, theres the other solution, keep holding on until one day this might work out. but its really about a whole years time.. its no the past, i dont think i will really last that long anymore. before, i reckon standing by and sustaining a false goal will one day happen, however, thats not the case. from what i see now, i only see it going down hill. 

friends are away, none are available. but also, many is asking me to just take the first option... really want this to end soon.. hopefully doing nothing can show me a right answer before it backfires on me.

-one day-

I want you to really one day stick up for your boy friend.

Don't let others disrespect us.

Fight for your rights, have your own say.

Stay strong!

:D

-1 month-

so yeah.. Happy one month and.. one week and one day hun, but as i said, only going to celebrate our ann every 3 months as i dont need one specific day dedicate for our relationship. everyday can be a celebration. so i wouldnt be seeing you for quite a while. but on the other side, shall miss you more. I told you and to myself aswell that this isnt gonna be easy yeh? speshally wen your parents now knows about us haha.

however, if we take a step back and just look at this situation again, its actually not too bad as we've been doing this same thing the whole time anyway. the only change is maybe some fb modifications and less exposure of our actions. i got absolutely no problem waiting for you till you graduate as you know the best skill im born with is patience :P 

anyways.. enuff blogging, dont even like blogging as much anyway.. 

oh btw, i started reading this religious book called Have a Little Faith by Mitch Albom, yes i know i never read books, but im just at a stage where instead of killing myself ill choose to read a book to kill some time. with my amazing intelligence, ill prob be able to read 80% of the words and understand 50% of the content :P but meh, it kills time.

ps. if all our connections are cut off, this will be our only way to communicate ~~ thats if u ever find my blog haha.

song of the day: 2NE1 - Lonely

-dont judge me-

Yes, I party alot,so what? but dont you dare judge me if you dont even know me. But its okay, i wont blame you guys, you guys are still young. You'll one day understand this.. hopefully. I may party alot but I will certainly do ANY of the stuff you listed on skype this arvo. SO please, stop bothering me. Your words wont get into my system nor it will get into my relationship. I dont care what you guys say, Ive made my decision and i wont work backwords.

-1st problem arises-

so its this guy thats coming in between us. he shudnt be the problem anymore.. he should be history. slowly get to know her, probs finding out more about her that i dont really .. well i cant say i dont like but just things that i expect her to react differently to.. why does she sound as if nothings happend.  

Did she even get what we talked about yesterday?..

sigh*..this is rediculous. starting to get on my nerves.. should we actually slow this down and find out more each other first?

-my luv story bitches-

ladies and gentlemen my girl-friend lol